Initial Alignment Exercise

This exercise helps you to both share with each other areas of high to low to no levels of attachments. Access this exercise and exercises to test the strength of your relationship in the first ten core areas can be accessed via the Relationship Workout Dashboard [link to be provided].

  • Time frame: If you find yourselves starting to really get into each other emotionally, you would do well to do this exercise together. That said, if you’re both Bucket 3 people (as discussed in Chapter 5: Dating Intentions), by the fifth to tenth date or so you two should have been able to get a general feel of potential misalignments.

Step 1: Answer the core questions

  • Answer the Core 20 questions, shown in Figures 7-3, 4 and 5. If you’d like, modify any of the questions, making sure you both agree on the new, modified questions.
  • Make sure you both answer the level of attachment you have to each answer.
  • Be honest with the level of attachments. If you’re not open to compromise, then it’s a must-have for you and the attachment as high. If you’re open to compromise, then answer the attachment as medium.

Step 2: Check alignment on Core Areas by checking each answer

  • If your answers are not aligned and one or both of you are highly attached to the core area, then you have a potential serious misalignment. Check “aligned? as “No”.
  • If your answers are not aligned and one or both of you have a medium attachment to the answer, then check “aligned?” as “Maybe.” After all, as a nice-to-have, by definition you two might be able to find a workable compromise for each other.
  • If there are any questions you honestly didn’t have answers for and/or answers where you felt undecided around your level of attachment, then check “aligned” as TBD.
  • Finally, if your answers are aligned, and/or the area is unimportant to both of you, then check “aligned?” as “Yes.”

Step 3: Answer the elective areas

  • Next, you’ll want to do the same thing for the Electives. The difference here is that you’ll first have to come up with your own elective areas and questions. In other words, what are your needs, want and desires not covered in the Core 20?
  • In Figure 7-6, first fill in your areas and questions. Next, you’ll both answer all the questions and discover whether you’re aligned in each area, as you did in Steps #1 and #2.